goodbye friendi had just met jodi, although after talking with her and alex for a few hours i felt as though i'd known her for a lot longer. frankly i was looking forward to more visits to new york to hang out with her and alex. my wife and i have even talked a bit about moving there.
that friday night we had an incredibly interesting conversation. she was training to be a clinical psychologist. but i didn't feel as though i was under the microscope. her questions were honest and innocent, borne of an intellectual curiosity that i found engaging and refreshing. i suppose what i am saying is that i found her to be the kind of person i would want as a friend, a good friend in fact. and in the short time we were together, to my immense honor we in fact became good friends.
this wasn't surprising, knowing alex as i do i wouldn't expect him to have fallen in love with a woman of any lesser quality, either from an intellectual standpoint, or in terms of simple kindness and warmth.
the conversation meant a lot to me, because during those hours alex and i wove big pieces of our personal stories together. we've known each other for a long time, and we've had a strong effect on one another over the years. some of the things we've been through are very similar, and in fact as we have evolved as people we've both been witness to and catalyst for one another. so we had a lot to say, and jodi was very interested to hear it all. we were telling our stories to one another, weaving ourselves together over tapas delicasies and good wine and some jazz. it was one of the best nights i've had in a while.
tragically, nonsensically, unbelievably, she died in an accident this past friday while walking her dogs in the east village.
i write this entry in celebration of who jodi was. though i only knew her briefly, i knew what she meant to alex, and i know what alex means to me. he is one of the best friends i have ever had, and still is. i was looking forward to getting to know jodi better. i already felt as though she had become as good a friend to me as alex was in a way. she felt like family.
alex is a beautiful man, a man i trust implicitly. he is the only person that my wife and i have ever left alone with our child. when paula and i returned home she was sound asleep in his arms. he is a man with nothing but beauty inside as far as i have ever been able to see. he is a man who draws beauty to him. jodi was and is certainly testament to that.
now my friend alex must go on a long journey. he will in many senses be as alone as anyone can ever be. but i will be there as much as i can.
goodbye jodi, you will be sorely, sorely missed.
discussion thread| 1 |
John,
sorry to hear of this tragic loss. Just from this short blog entry, I can tell you are the kind of friend Alex needs now.
| 2 |
you are a good man ed brill.
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Jeez jon, these sorts of things aren't ever meant to happen. It's so pointless and it seems so unfair. I think most of us would read that article and not think much of it beyond the fact that it was a freak accident, but there's always a personal loss that the newspapers never capture and we never think of. I'm really sorry to hear about your (and especially your friend's) loss.
| 4 |
John,
I can never find the right words on these sad occasions. You are in my thoughts.
Sounds like alex has a good friend.....
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John,
Sorry to hear of this very sad news. I send you my deepest condolences.
Warm regards,
Bruce
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Alex is one of the most beautiful people and men I have ever known. Full of honor, depth, kindness, compassion, sensitivity, brilliance and love, Alex is a bright star in the often dull night of our current world. My heart is broken for Alex in what he will endure in the months and years to come. I think the most painful thing about death remains for the grieving who have to mourn while the rest of the world continues in its monotony and regularity. Please pray for Alex and Jodie's family in hopes that their hearts will one day heal.
I love you Alex.
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Jon,
I read about this online and thought it was a tragedy, now I find out that you knew her. It's so very verys sad. Be strong my friend.
Chris
| 8 |
That's horrendous, so sad for you and Alex. I can only echo what others have said here,
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Jon-
There really aren't words that can truly convey condolences in a situation like this. I don't think we, as humans, were programmed to make any sense out of losses like this. Ed is right on that you are the kind of friend Alex needs right now. He is going to feel an insane amount of pain, but he is also going to appreciate you and how much you care about him. I know we're all just part of this extended community that's very far from Alex's reality right now, but we all wish him the best, and both of you are in our thoughts.
| 10 |
you guys are great.
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I wanted to share with you jon, what Jodie gave me the courage to say in her absence last night, something I am proud of and I know that she would be, which was my goal.
Here is what I spoke at her service:
I am Alex Wilbourne, and Jodie is the love of my life.
Jodie and I met walking the dogs, where she, true to her unwavering directness, initiated our exchange of phone numbers so we could "get the dogs together" (presumably to fight more). My story with her is one where the two of us attempted to reign in our sensibilities with reason in order to give the relationship time to evolve healthily. We both looked back through my journal entries later, time-stamped with our inability to take it slowly, with more than a little chagrin. I can remember eating at Oliva, off of Houston street, and telling her "I did not know you existed, that it does exist, that missing element that I have always wondered about can exist in a woman, one that I am completely attracted to and desperately desire". That was when I knew I had no more choice in what was happening between us, that, we were going to end up together, and nothing would inhibit it.
I have experienced this week, by way of her Mumzy, her Poppy, and her Schmoo face brother, the strength that I adored in her, and the passionate, expression filled face, the independence (financial and emotional), of the woman she had become. We had three conversations repeatedly regarding these; one about her brother, one about her enthusiasm with the little things in life, and one about becoming a PHD.
She so admired Jake intensely for the person that he was. When he decided to learn chess he read the best books, and did, when he wanted to learn Spanish he moved to Mexico, and even with something like the pickling process. She bought him a book for Christmas, and the next time she went to his apartment there were pickled things in jars in his refrigerator. She was so looking forward to Jake and I continuing our friendship, and I think that what Jake, you mentioned the other night, that you have gained a brother, would make her curl into the dimpled smile of the admiring sister that she was.
She called me just last week overflowing with excitement about the sun setting behind her city, and I listened to the message again just yesterday. And it was HER city! The image in my mind was of her putting her hand to her chest, patting it, then holding it there, just like Mumzy had done on many family trips to Maine. When they were getting close she would roll down the windows in the car and say "smell that ocean kids! Can you smell that ocean?!” This was the same unbridled giddiness that she poured out upon her world. And it wasn’t merely “in the moment”. I cannot count the times she told me the story of how her mom influenced her to become this way. The story that comes to mind here, is the story of her mom taking the time to place M&M's precisely 3 inches apart, in a trail from her bedroom, down the stairs, and right up to her Easter basket. Every year she did this! This of course, immediately brings me to Reilly, and her constant “how cute is he? Look at that face!” Her first puppy that quickly became like her child. And believing it or not, I actually was jealous of him, enough that we talked about it, and she defended her love for both of us, to both of us and continued to paw all over him, treating him, and me, with constant affection.
The other representation of this strength is of her complete devotion to the man who took her to the doctor and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Jodie, pre-teen, replied "a nurse", but Roger immediately asked why. She said "I don't know". The memory she passed on to me, was having a few conversations with the staff in the room, and then leaving the floor immediately, going to another floor where he asked to see a female doctor who had a minute for his little girl, then to another floor where he found someone who was excited by his idea. He introduced the two, a young and impressionable Jodie, and a woman doctor, where Roger showed her, through this woman, that it wasn't just men who became doctors, but women did too! This gift was something he gave not only to Jodie, but to me, as I fell completely in love with a woman who dedicated her life, from the age of 14, to becoming a PHD.
I want to add that I didn't just fall, but that she drew me out, into the open vulnerable space that we all fear, one where we give someone else the power to hurt us. She drew me, with this mix of fire, spunk, confidence, independence, and opinion, alongside the most gentle, caring, sweet, adoring, lovable, witty, intelligent, beautiful and sophisticated woman I ever expect to meet.
And what would she would want from all of us assembled here to celebrate her? She would want us all to err on the side of ruining our clothes in the rain, of taking risks with each other in conversation, pushing each other gently into a better understanding of how we relate, asking “what does that mean to you?”, when we so often and easily say "yes, I understand that completely". She would want us to pause when we think we understand, and to recognize that there is a sort of living archeology to relationships, and that was what fascinated her. She made it clear that she had dedicated her life to helping people, out of this fascination, and not altruism. She would say, “there are many pathways of motivation, and for her, she was motivated because she was awe struck, from a sincere fascination of human conditions, with thought processes, and with how to understand someone for who they were, and where they came from in life.”
In closing, I want to tell you about our second date, when Jodie and I discovered our mutual love for the movie “The Princess Bride” Over dinner, we began a contest of quotes, first one of us would quote a line from the movie, and the other had to quote the next line. We kept score, she won, 2 missed lines to my 3. We loved that movie because it was the “good parts” version of a fairy tale, and now, I remember the “good parts”, of which there are so many, and I want to remember, and to believe Jodie would quote to me:
“Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
To which I reply:
“I will never doubt again”
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thank you alex, immeasurably honored. i think i'm going to repost this on the blog, in the main section instead of the comments.
thanks for sharing that with us sir.