alex and jodieFriday, January 23rd, 2004 :: by jonvon
alex posted this in the comments, but the writing was so good and what he has to say about jodie is so beautiful, well i wanted to post it here on the main blog page so that everyone could read it. thanks alex, you do us much honor.
I wanted to share with you jon, what Jodie gave me the courage to say in her absence last night, something I am proud of and I know that she would be, which was my goal.
Here is what I spoke at her service:
I am Alex Wilbourne, and Jodie is the love of my life.
Jodie and I met walking the dogs, where she, true to her unwavering directness, initiated our exchange of phone numbers so we could "get the dogs together" (presumably to fight more). My story with her is one where the two of us attempted to reign in our sensibilities with reason in order to give the relationship time to evolve healthily. We both looked back through my journal entries later, time-stamped with our inability to take it slowly, with more than a little chagrin. I can remember eating at Oliva, off of Houston street, and telling her "I did not know you existed, that it does exist, that missing element that I have always wondered about can exist in a woman, one that I am completely attracted to and desperately desire". That was when I knew I had no more choice in what was happening between us, that, we were going to end up together, and nothing would inhibit it.
I have experienced this week, by way of her Mumzy, her Poppy, and her Schmoo face brother, the strength that I adored in her, and the passionate, expression filled face, the independence (financial and emotional), of the woman she had become. We had three conversations repeatedly regarding these; one about her brother, one about her enthusiasm with the little things in life, and one about becoming a PHD.
She so admired Jake intensely for the person that he was. When he decided to learn chess he read the best books, and did, when he wanted to learn Spanish he moved to Mexico, and even with something like the pickling process. She bought him a book for Christmas, and the next time she went to his apartment there were pickled things in jars in his refrigerator. She was so looking forward to Jake and I continuing our friendship, and I think that what Jake, you mentioned the other night, that you have gained a brother, would make her curl into the dimpled smile of the admiring sister that she was.
She called me just last week overflowing with excitement about the sun setting behind her city, and I listened to the message again just yesterday. And it was HER city! The image in my mind was of her putting her hand to her chest, patting it, then holding it there, just like Mumzy had done on many family trips to Maine. When they were getting close she would roll down the windows in the car and say "smell that ocean kids! Can you smell that ocean?!” This was the same unbridled giddiness that she poured out upon her world. And it wasn’t merely “in the moment”. I cannot count the times she told me the story of how her mom influenced her to become this way. The story that comes to mind here, is the story of her mom taking the time to place M&M's precisely 3 inches apart, in a trail from her bedroom, down the stairs, and right up to her Easter basket. Every year she did this! This of course, immediately brings me to Reilly, and her constant “how cute is he? Look at that face!” Her first puppy that quickly became like her child. And believing it or not, I actually was jealous of him, enough that we talked about it, and she defended her love for both of us, to both of us and continued to paw all over him, treating him, and me, with constant affection.
The other representation of this strength is of her complete devotion to the man who took her to the doctor and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Jodie, pre-teen, replied "a nurse", but Roger immediately asked why. She said "I don't know". The memory she passed on to me, was having a few conversations with the staff in the room, and then leaving the floor immediately, going to another floor where he asked to see a female doctor who had a minute for his little girl, then to another floor where he found someone who was excited by his idea. He introduced the two, a young and impressionable Jodie, and a woman doctor, where Roger showed her, through this woman, that it wasn't just men who became doctors, but women did too! This gift was something he gave not only to Jodie, but to me, as I fell completely in love with a woman who dedicated her life, from the age of 14, to becoming a PHD.
I want to add that I didn't just fall, but that she drew me out, into the open vulnerable space that we all fear, one where we give someone else the power to hurt us. She drew me, with this mix of fire, spunk, confidence, independence, and opinion, alongside the most gentle, caring, sweet, adoring, lovable, witty, intelligent, beautiful and sophisticated woman I ever expect to meet.
And what would she would want from all of us assembled here to celebrate her? She would want us all to err on the side of ruining our clothes in the rain, of taking risks with each other in conversation, pushing each other gently into a better understanding of how we relate, asking “what does that mean to you?”, when we so often and easily say "yes, I understand that completely". She would want us to pause when we think we understand, and to recognize that there is a sort of living archeology to relationships, and that was what fascinated her. She made it clear that she had dedicated her life to helping people, out of this fascination, and not altruism. She would say, “there are many pathways of motivation, and for her, she was motivated because she was awe struck, from a sincere fascination of human conditions, with thought processes, and with how to understand someone for who they were, and where they came from in life.”
In closing, I want to tell you about our second date, when Jodie and I discovered our mutual love for the movie “The Princess Bride” Over dinner, we began a contest of quotes, first one of us would quote a line from the movie, and the other had to quote the next line. We kept score, she won, 2 missed lines to my 3. We loved that movie because it was the “good parts” version of a fairy tale, and now, I remember the “good parts”, of which there are so many, and I want to remember, and to believe Jodie would quote to me:
“Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
To which I reply:
“I will never doubt again”
I wanted to share with you jon, what Jodie gave me the courage to say in her absence last night, something I am proud of and I know that she would be, which was my goal.
Here is what I spoke at her service:
I am Alex Wilbourne, and Jodie is the love of my life.
Jodie and I met walking the dogs, where she, true to her unwavering directness, initiated our exchange of phone numbers so we could "get the dogs together" (presumably to fight more). My story with her is one where the two of us attempted to reign in our sensibilities with reason in order to give the relationship time to evolve healthily. We both looked back through my journal entries later, time-stamped with our inability to take it slowly, with more than a little chagrin. I can remember eating at Oliva, off of Houston street, and telling her "I did not know you existed, that it does exist, that missing element that I have always wondered about can exist in a woman, one that I am completely attracted to and desperately desire". That was when I knew I had no more choice in what was happening between us, that, we were going to end up together, and nothing would inhibit it.
I have experienced this week, by way of her Mumzy, her Poppy, and her Schmoo face brother, the strength that I adored in her, and the passionate, expression filled face, the independence (financial and emotional), of the woman she had become. We had three conversations repeatedly regarding these; one about her brother, one about her enthusiasm with the little things in life, and one about becoming a PHD.
She so admired Jake intensely for the person that he was. When he decided to learn chess he read the best books, and did, when he wanted to learn Spanish he moved to Mexico, and even with something like the pickling process. She bought him a book for Christmas, and the next time she went to his apartment there were pickled things in jars in his refrigerator. She was so looking forward to Jake and I continuing our friendship, and I think that what Jake, you mentioned the other night, that you have gained a brother, would make her curl into the dimpled smile of the admiring sister that she was.
She called me just last week overflowing with excitement about the sun setting behind her city, and I listened to the message again just yesterday. And it was HER city! The image in my mind was of her putting her hand to her chest, patting it, then holding it there, just like Mumzy had done on many family trips to Maine. When they were getting close she would roll down the windows in the car and say "smell that ocean kids! Can you smell that ocean?!” This was the same unbridled giddiness that she poured out upon her world. And it wasn’t merely “in the moment”. I cannot count the times she told me the story of how her mom influenced her to become this way. The story that comes to mind here, is the story of her mom taking the time to place M&M's precisely 3 inches apart, in a trail from her bedroom, down the stairs, and right up to her Easter basket. Every year she did this! This of course, immediately brings me to Reilly, and her constant “how cute is he? Look at that face!” Her first puppy that quickly became like her child. And believing it or not, I actually was jealous of him, enough that we talked about it, and she defended her love for both of us, to both of us and continued to paw all over him, treating him, and me, with constant affection.
The other representation of this strength is of her complete devotion to the man who took her to the doctor and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Jodie, pre-teen, replied "a nurse", but Roger immediately asked why. She said "I don't know". The memory she passed on to me, was having a few conversations with the staff in the room, and then leaving the floor immediately, going to another floor where he asked to see a female doctor who had a minute for his little girl, then to another floor where he found someone who was excited by his idea. He introduced the two, a young and impressionable Jodie, and a woman doctor, where Roger showed her, through this woman, that it wasn't just men who became doctors, but women did too! This gift was something he gave not only to Jodie, but to me, as I fell completely in love with a woman who dedicated her life, from the age of 14, to becoming a PHD.
I want to add that I didn't just fall, but that she drew me out, into the open vulnerable space that we all fear, one where we give someone else the power to hurt us. She drew me, with this mix of fire, spunk, confidence, independence, and opinion, alongside the most gentle, caring, sweet, adoring, lovable, witty, intelligent, beautiful and sophisticated woman I ever expect to meet.
And what would she would want from all of us assembled here to celebrate her? She would want us all to err on the side of ruining our clothes in the rain, of taking risks with each other in conversation, pushing each other gently into a better understanding of how we relate, asking “what does that mean to you?”, when we so often and easily say "yes, I understand that completely". She would want us to pause when we think we understand, and to recognize that there is a sort of living archeology to relationships, and that was what fascinated her. She made it clear that she had dedicated her life to helping people, out of this fascination, and not altruism. She would say, “there are many pathways of motivation, and for her, she was motivated because she was awe struck, from a sincere fascination of human conditions, with thought processes, and with how to understand someone for who they were, and where they came from in life.”
In closing, I want to tell you about our second date, when Jodie and I discovered our mutual love for the movie “The Princess Bride” Over dinner, we began a contest of quotes, first one of us would quote a line from the movie, and the other had to quote the next line. We kept score, she won, 2 missed lines to my 3. We loved that movie because it was the “good parts” version of a fairy tale, and now, I remember the “good parts”, of which there are so many, and I want to remember, and to believe Jodie would quote to me:
“Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
To which I reply:
“I will never doubt again”
discussion thread