i am afraid that the ante keeps getting raised.

i am afraid that countries with large, well trained, well funded armies will continue to kill en masse, with little discrimination, with cluster bombs and other weapons of mass civilian (that's us) destruction.

i am afraid that terrorists will continue to get smarter and wage war more effectively. there is an old saying, from the bible, that lizards can be found in the palaces of kings. (you can have all the power in the whole world, but you cannot even keep small, seemingly powerless creatures out of your home, however secure you imagine it to be.)

i am afraid that religion will continue to be used by all sides as a reason to kill innocent people. and it will continue to be used as a tool to control the populace.

i am afraid that it is not really about religion, or the object of religious practice, but about money, and power, and ignorance, and about cultural myopia and about extreme, blind arrogance in high places masqerading as righteousness, cloaked in sound bites and slogans and religious hysteria and fear and patriotism.

i am afraid that everyone looks bad, and everyone is looking worse and worse all the time.

i am afraid that more and more, people are listening to each other less and less.

i am afraid that on all sides people are blinded by ideologies vacant of any real ethical fiber or true, robust, spiritual center.

i am afraid that those of us who are the most ethical believe themselves to be the most right, since they have invested a great deal of energy in their ethics, or in their morals, or their religious traditions. and these high standards, being present in such abundance in their lives, lead them to believe that they can do no wrong, or that the wrong they do is justified. they claim to see correctly and clearly, and are thus blind to the pain and misery they allow to be spread in their names, or the pain they spread with their own hands.

i am afraid on all sides we have sown wind upon wind upon wind, and we are reaping whirlwind upon whirlwind upon whirlwind.

i am afraid that our soldiers are doing things that are more and more vile and debased and immoral. they are not equipped to do anything else because they are human beings. when in hell, do as the demons do.

i am afraid that if it was my country that had been invaded and occupied that i would be setting off IED's in the streets.

i am afraid that in the west it is not ok to say "christian terrorist" or "jewish terrorist" but it is ok to say "islamic terrorist".

i am afraid i am not a pacifist. i wish i were, but i am not. i can't honestly say that there isn't darkness in me, just as there is darkness in everyone. i believe in embracing my own nature entirely, not in subjugating it with morality or rules of thumb or the false demands of false patriotism or external facades which do not arise from the fabric of actual being. i also believe that the highest aim for man is to love. and i believe that love transcends morality because reality transcends morality. i wish to be free. and i wish that for everyone else as well. i wish a kind of freedom for people that most, i think, perhaps do not guess is possible. a freedom that has nothing to do with democracy or flags. i believe in a true human freedom that extends from the fabric of reality itself, that shines everywhere, and can be seen by anyone, and cannot be owned or stopped by democratically elected officials or by tyrants or by dogma or witchhunts or inquisitions or interrogators in illegal secret gulags.

i am afraid that it is the poorest and most fragile and most vulnerable paying the dearest price. actually i am quite sure that this is exactly what is happening - no question.

i am afraid i will never understand any of this, because i am not poor, i do not live in a third world country, i have not had my house and my family smashed and scattered in small burning bits in the middle of the night by a 500 pound bomb, and i have not lost members of my family to ball bearing shrapnel while they were out trying to buy groceries.

i am afraid i will keep watching television and i will keep spending too much time in traffic and too much time working to pay debts i incurred because of my addiction to consumption and i will never do any real good in the world because i am more a part of the problem than a part of the solution.

i believe we need a new ethic that supercedes all others that puts as its highest value the right of families to sit quietly in their homes and to not be afraid of being blown up by anyone anywhere. or, something like that. i am afraid to begin to think about it, because i don't think i have what it takes to figure it out. or, i think there are people who are more qualified to propose such things. i hope that someone, somewhere does though. it seems like it should be easy. lets all be friends and respect each other and live in peace with one another. let's listen and not assume we know anything. let's be teachable. and let's think, for god's sake let's start thinking, and vote these incompetent, stupid, arrogant bastards out of office.

we need a new century to turn already, having had false, horrible start after false, horrible start. we need to tear down the old and create something brand new, peacefully, with deep and respectful thoughtfulness and tenderness and humility.